Sept 14, 2010

Dear Sis~

Yeah, I know it's been a long time since I've written an entry.  You know I'm always occupied, always busy doing something, mostly legal work, and mostly for others, but the last month has been particularly hectic as I hammered out the draft, then the final, edited version of my soon-to-be filed postconviction motion.  This will almost certainly be my last legal effort, unless something substantial unexpectedly falls into my lap, so I've put a lot of effort into this.  It should be filed by the end of this month or very soon thereafter...

The staying-busy thing - reading, writing, working out, studying, etc...- has been a constant in the decades I've spent in these cages.  Keeping the mind occupied is a form of therapy, and a way to maintain a grip on my sanity;  some guys go insane in these cells, and many simply begin to slip, short of insanity, but no longer grounded in reality, after many years alone in a cell.  I'm blessed with a strong mind and spirit, so losing my mind is not a concern.  But I do guard against the almost inevitable social deterioration, and the tendency to begin indulging in illusions and fantasy.  Locked in a cell 24/7, alone with your thoughts, it becomes easy to start slipping into a fantasy world, and in fact, I've done it, sometimes for weeks or months at a stretch, when I was locked down on Q-wing, in total isolation for years, or when I was in the hole, back when I was n population here, before death row.  Laying in my bunk in darkness, day afer day, month after month, I'd mentally design and build a dream house, for instance, brick by brick, room by room.  Or I'd design and build a small airplane, or perhaps mentally disassemble an engine.  Anything to occupy or control my thoughts, to pass the time.  Sometimes the thoughts became really irrational or fantastical, you imagine yourself in some position of power (president, senator, or hell...why not king or emporer of some fantasy nation?) and think of how well you'd govern, the laws you'd pass to create a just and fair utopia.  Who hasn't thought they could solve the world's problems if they could just be king for a day?  But being in isolation for months or years gives you the time to indulge such useless fantasies (unlike people in the free world who actually have a life to live).  Well, perhaps they're not totally useless because if you're a keen observer of yuor own thoughts, such day dreaming can teach you a lot about yourself (what would you really do if you possessed full and unlimited power?  Would your better angels dominate?  We'd like to think so, right?)  Nowadays I work hard to avoid indulging in these long-term reveries as they're a waste of time, and time is the one thing I have too little of...

We have an interesting governor's race going on here, with the election less than 2 months away.  Florida (like most of the south) has never elected a femal governor and a female, Alex Sink, is now running - and running well - as the Democratic nominee.  I'll write more about it next time.  Death row prisoners in Florida have a unique and compelling interest in who the governor is since the govrnor is the one who signs, or does not sign, death warrants.  If I'm executed, it will be because some governor has picked my name off the list and decided to kill me...

Gotta get back to work.  Give the doggies a hug for me!

Love & Peace, Bill